I've been reading this book, The Compleat Gentleman, by Brad Miner, and it has raised some interesting questions. A teammate lent me this book, in response to my many comments about how men should be gentleman. See, I have this other teammate that is from the North (South Dakota), and he is always asking me to teach him about "culture", about things that gentleman do. Anyway, so his roommate gave me this book, which I opened with low expectations.
I'm about 100 pages into it; and so far, it has been fascinating. It is chronicling the history of the gentleman, from the early Middle Ages and the time of the knight, to the Renaissance and the idea of the New Man, given to us by Castiglione in The Courtier, to the "gentleman" who were the founding fathers of the United States. The author has given many different criteria for being a "compleat gentleman"; from social status, to religious devotion, to philanthropy... I'm not sure that I am far enough into the book to know his final criteria.
However, I am far enough to have stumbled over this quote, which got me thinking about the gentleman in my life, or more than that, the gentleman that exist in society today. Here is the quote:
"If it (chivalry) should ever be totally extinguished," writes Edmund Burke, " the loss I fear will be great."
Is chivalry dead? Has it been extinguished? Has our society traded in teaching our men to be "Renaissance men" of sorts for teaching them to cheat and steal their way to the top of the corporate ladder? Or has the idea of a gentleman been trumped with the idea of a Hollywood's macho man?
Here are my thoughts: According to the author of the book, society has always been the main educator for all things gentleman. There was always a gentleman for a young man to look to, someone to model his life after. They were accessible, observable and willing to invest in young lives. I'm not sure that we can leave this task to society anymore. Instead, we need to use our homes as training grounds for these little guys. Maybe it starts with the dad treating all the women in his life with the utmost respect, or with the dad setting an example for living a righteous life, or even with a dad spending time wrestling with his boys on the floor.
I'm not sure what it looks like practically, but I know that I want gentlemen to be around for my grandkids. I know that I want my husband to be a gentleman, not just in the sense that he holds doors for me and stands up when I leave the table, but in the truest sense of the word. I know it is strange for me to be talking about raising little boys to be gentlemen, but I think the point is simple; its just that we cannot let the ideas that being polite, that caring first about others and last about ourselves, that women were created by God to be esteemed become obsolete, something that only our grandparents did a long time ago.
Thoughts on this topic would be awesome... I dont think I have the answer.. I'm not even sure that I have the question at this point...
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
the compleat gentleman
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4 comments:
Emily, I frequently read your blog...and have enjoyed reading about your experiences. I must say that the book you are reading sounds interesting...I feel that gentlemen in society are being lost, and I also believe that the family has the responsiblity in bringing up young men to be the men that God intends them to be...according to the Bible. I also believe that men in the church should be mentoring young men and being accountability partners with one another to support biblical lives in their midst. I am now going to be looking for the "Compleat Gentleman" to add to my reading list. Thank you for your blog...I enjoy it!
Yup, Em. This is SO important. Doug tries to model it for the boys in his behavior toward me and his attitude about being a man.
Right now, Ethan mostly sees it as a topic of conversation... as in, "mommy, why are mans so strong?" And then he acts surprised sometimes, like, "wow, momma you can do strong things too?" But then he'll go around showing off all the heavy things he can pick up. So now it's a realization in all of life that women are indeed the weaker vessel. He's definitely caught onto that idea. :)
Doug also makes sure the boys help me... he encourages them to "look after mama and meimei" when he leaves... so they are starting to get it.
Sounds like an interesting book. Dads definitely need to be the example for their kids but most dads are not gentlemen either. Nice blog.
Slava Bogu!
hmmm.... I think that copy of the compleat gentleman that you are reading is Phil's, which is actually mine because I loaned it to him two years ago and he didn't give it back. But then I didn't give him his copy of Orthodoxy back. These book swaps can get messy.
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